Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Seems like things are shakin'

Well My friends,

I am still wondering why do I waste my time writing this blog. It seems like I do it for my own benefit to just get stuff off of my chest. Today my stress test was a success. My cardiologist gave me the clearance for surgery. I also met with the surgeon to go over the new procedure. Believe it or not, I was very excited about getting this surgery, but now it seems to have caused me more grief than it may be worth.

I really need to change my life. I want to be healthy and be able to live a productive life. I honestly think that I was not impulsive in my decision to proceed with the Gastric Bypass. I understand that my Susan is fearful about the possible complications, but there can be complications with any surgery. I just can't help but feeling a deep sadness inside me. I want to make my wife happy in any way I can, but how can I make her happy if I am not happy with myself?

I need to make the necessary changes in ME so that I can be a better man and a better husband. I can't help but to feel that she is angry for my decision. More than anything I wanted her approval, but like my wife says: "People in Hell want Ice Water". You can't have your cake and eat it to. If this surgery turns out to be a flop, I will have to deal with the consequences. I know that it will also affect my family. But I strongly feel that this surgery will be beneficial for my life.

Why do I feel that I am being selfish? It feels like I am thinking of nothing but myself. But I assure you that this is not the case. It is because that I want a long and healthy life with my family, that I made this decision. I have a problem vocalizing my feelings, but it seems like I am much better and writing my feelings down. So, at this venture it seems like the surgery is a go. Friday December 10th will be the day that my life will change.

I will keep ya'll posted after the surgery.

See ya' Soon...


SueNJ said...

Sorry that you are upset but my fears are grounded. I will just ask God to give the strength we need to get past this current hurdle. And yes, I read your blog :D

Love you.

Erin G said...

Hey, don't forget about me! I read it too!

I can understand where Susan is coming from. If it was Frodo in your shoes, I would be beside myself at the thought of possibly losing a loved one. Just know - that WILL NOT CHANGE. Until you come out of that surgery and she can physically see you alive, nothing you say, do, or feel will change the way SHE feels. That is how I would feel, and I know Susan loves you just as much as I love my Hubby.

As to the rest of your comments...Stop being an Eeyore!!!! "Oh woe is me, I lost my tail, Wifey is not happy with me, Ho Hum!" Cut it out!!! You are making a serious change in your life and it will work out for the better. Ale, Frodo and I all have positive feelings about this, and we know you will have the strength to stick with it and get yourself to 175 lbs!!!

We are all here for you, no matter how scared we are to lose you....Never forget that!