Friday, December 3, 2010

I Still Have Resolve!

Hello Again My Wonderful Friends.

I know that only 2 People actually read this, but I need to write things down to put things into perspective. Today I have received surprising news during the pre-admission testing. After I had the EKG done, I was informed that I had a heart attack at one time and that there is slight damage to the heart muscle. The EKG does not provide in detail the severity of the heart attack, nor the damage that it caused.

It showed to indicators that points to a past heart attack and damage to the heart muscle. Now with this new development, the Anesthesiologist does not want to do the procedure without an Echo Cardiogram and a Cardiac Clearance. I am sort of disappointed because of this information. All this time I believed my cardiologist when he told me that my heart was fine and all I had was GERD.

Honestly, I had no idea that I had a silent heart attack and if it weren't for this recent EKG; I would have never known. It's a little bit scary because looking back, I can remember the night that it happened. Probably Susan remember this night. I was lying in bed while Susan was sleeping. This was several months ago. I felt a very sharp pain in my chest and my left arm. My heart began to beat very fast and I couldn't breathe. I actually cried because I literally thought that I was going to die. I never prayed so hard in my life. I prayed that Susan would not find me dead the next day.

Miraculously, it passed and I was given another day and many after that. However that night I commended my soul to God. I just kept picturing Susan's reaction if she would have woken up next to a lifeless body. I never want to experience that ever again. I am not afraid of death or dying, but I have so much to live for now and I can't see life; even in eternity without my Susan or my children. Now, knowing the truth is a little sobering.

This is why I am determined to get this surgery done, IF I am able to. Not being obese anymore will decrease any chances of it happening again. I understand my wife's apprehension and I know that she worries about losing me and I can't blame her, but I have a feeling that it will all work out. I just know it. If it doesn't; then I have to deal with whatever cards I am dealt. So, I will do everything that is required of me during the last days leading to the surgery.

I will meet with the Neurologist and the Cardiologist and work on getting the clearance if my heart is able to withstand the surgery. In the meantime, I will pray that everything works out as it should. I will keep you posted as things develop.


SueNJ said...

Whatever God's will is, let it be done. Amen :)